Vulnerability is My Superpower

Last year during our Women’s Ayahuasca Retreat, Grandmother Ayahuasca showed me how powerful being vulnerable is when shared in community.

It’s a bit of a paradox because when you look up synonyms for the word vulnerability, you’ll find one synonym that the dictionary has is weakness.

A majority of the synonyms for the word juxtapose my state that vulnerability is my Superpower.

But there is one synonym that I feel is the closest to what I’m about to share with you about vulnerability. And, that is openness.

To be vulnerable is to open up your heart and your emotions in the most honest and authentic way that only you know how to do. No one can teach you this. But what people can do is help creating a space that you can remember that you are always safe to share your truest self.

Being vulnerable exposes my “guts” to the Light.

I’ve been holding this wound close to myself, and almost like a dog licking her wound, I have done enough self-healing that I’m ready to share vulnerable parts of myself with you.

I had an emotionally distressed experience during the Greece Retreat that hurt me because of how personal I took the whole situation.

A longtime client and student, with whom I’ve worked with one on one for years, had some very choice words to share with me about her experience with the retreat.

I was completely shocked and emotionally shaken by this.

Whenever I work with people, especially over long periods of time through courses, workshops and one on one work, I’m fully committed in serving them to the best of my ability.

This also very much translates to when I curate and produce a retreat. Every single detail (to the best of my ability) is scrutinized and thoroughly thought out and researched as I put together the event.

I put my heart and soul into every retreat.

So, these choice words about an event that represents a piece of me coming from someone who I thought would very much know my character and value system really affected my ego mind.

I took it personal. Which anything anyone says or does to you has nothing to do with you but everything to do with them.

I share this story with you mainly because ‘old me’ would never have shared this story with the Light (You). I would keep it tucked hidden away in the past where it would fester in my subconscious mind.

Vulnerability, to me, is opening up my innards to you and exposing my feelings and my humanness with you.

It’s human to take things personal. It’s human to feel hurt by other people’s mean or rude words/behaviors/actions.

I’m human. I was hurt. And, I remember through healing myself of this experience the last 6 months that this experience helped bring me closer  Home – to Myself and God.

I know myself.

I know my values.

I try my best.

I can’t please everyone.

Sharing and exposing this experience that I had feels very vulnerable to me because I don’t want you to know that I got hurt by a client/retreat participant. I don’t want you to know that I can experience trauma even after I’ve healed so much past trauma in my life. This is a programming of media and the illusion of reality that I want you think of me as perfect. Or, a more accurate description of that statement is I want to think of myself as perfect, without any trauma.

The more I come Home to myself, the more it doesn’t matter if I or you think of me as perfect. That’s the whole illusion. There is no perfection. I’m human just like you. I try my best just like you. And, I get hurt just like you.

I thank the Sacred Plant Medicine, Ayahuasca, that helped me realize that vulnerability is my superpower. When I feel like the Universe humbles me to open my heart to share my pains with you, I find a new strength within me that says “see, that wasn’t so scary”.

I hope sharing this part of my journey with you inspires you to share vulnerable parts of yourself, even if it’s with one other person. Vulnerability is not just my superpower, it’s yours too!